Is My Battle Against An Evil Genius Causing My Burnout?

Since the month of August 2020 and the Beirut blast, I haven't been the same. I should have seen this coming, and, in a way, I did since, before the explosion, I was having monetizing issues and requested donations.

Don't get me wrong! I've done many things since 2020: mostly learning web development and marketing. But regularly, I feel empty, as if I was a bag that someone poured all over the floor.

One could deduce from the paragraph above that writing a personal blog filled with music could seriously drain my energy. But what am I supposed to do? I like music so much that I want to share my passion with everybody.

Music, coffee, and cigarettes: that's my life today. It might seem unfortunate to embrace the digital nomad lifestyle, but I've tried the private investigator one before, and it's no cup of tea. It involved lots of high-pressure situations.

Why Is It Gruelling To Go Back To Basics After Ten Years?

I've read an article on post-traumatic stress disorder: the natural thing to do after the menace has gone away is to behave normally and feel relaxed. Yet I'm unable to do this straightforward thing.

To all of you suffering from PTSD, simple or complex, ask yourself this question: has the menace disappeared?

Honestly, the menace is far from removed. I'm from Lebanon, and the Israeli-Arab conflict destroyed my country in the 80s. During the 1st decade of the 21st century, Lebanon has witnessed war and political assassinations. Talk about a suffocating atmosphere.

I won't be back on my feet as long as this conflict is still raging, which has been the case for 75 years. For people born in the 40s, that's all they know. Luckily, I believe a solution is on the way.

How Come It Threatens This Secret Alchemy Called Humanity?

You got to feel it in your bones. Make no mistake: this is quite rare to feel exhausted in your whole body to the point of rearranging your skeleton. But that's what is happening to me at the moment.

I've read that people experiencing rage can showcase physical prowess. One day I'll leave this yellow brick road I've called home for as long as I live. I live in my parents' building; this is where I grew up since 1983.

I managed to live in my grand-uncle's studio between 2012 and 2017 in the same district of Paris, the posh 16th. I like to be near my family because you never know what could happen.

There's a killer on the road: his brain is squirming like a toad. I was warned so I shouldn't be so surprised but the experience of survival is the key to the gravity of life.

What Was The Unknown Secret Weapon Of This Evil Genius?

The teenage years can be severe and cruel. And they say you will suffer as much as you loved. But killing Kenny is fun only in TV shows. When I was 14, Christelle died in a motorcycle crash.

A few days before, I was the witness of a strange scene on my neighbor's terrace where Christelle was sexually assaulted by a boy in my class and two girls around them were laughing. The fit of anger I felt at this moment deprived me of my future.

I mean I struggled mightily to get a job and behave like a good boy should. Today my heart is preventing me from having a normal life. There is no negotiation possible: I have to find a cure for this depression.

The antidote might be to adopt a development mindset. And always know why I'm doing what I do.

Does This Story End Well Or Do You Need Soft Tissues?

Overall, the dominant idea of my life is grief. I think life is tragic, but I know some of you might laugh nervously at this rant. After all, life is absurd, and humor is one of the best antidotes.

I was talking about the development mindset. At the moment, what keeps me hanging on is the desire to see how the world will evolve in the coming years. I know there are some issues, but technology is making tremendous progress.

Life is strange, life is a walk down the main street, and life is about quick sex. Now that is a lie. Life is about competition, but there's a feeling a lot of us can't shake.

Like a crime against humanity: slavery. I don't belong to you, and you don't belong to me.